Adulting: Beginner's Luck
by LaraWinner
Summary: "So?" she challenged, "You're my partner and I'm worried about you. I want to be there for you and that doesn't change, in the mask or out of it." There were many secrets between them, maybe more than necessary, but that was the honest truth.


Adulting: Beginner's Luck

 **Need You Tonight**

 **By:** Lara Winner

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Miraculous Ladybug.

* * *

"Dad?" Adrien called out tentatively, easing open the door to his father's office and peeking inside.

Gabriel Agreste sat at his computer staring intently at the monitor, fingers moving quickly over the keyboard, the rapid clacking sound being the only noise in the otherwise oppressively silent room. Adrien debated entering, knowing this unscheduled meeting was not going to end as he was hoping, but hoping all the same. Imitating his father's stiff confidence, Adrien strode forward with his spine straight and shoulders back, his commanding posture a complete sham as he stifled the urge to cower like a disobedient child.

 _You will be eighteen in five months_ , Adrien reminded himself sternly. _You are not a child_.

"Father, may I speak with you?" This time his voice rang clear and strong.

Gabriel didn't bother to look away from his computer. "I'm in the middle of something important, Adrien."

"I can see that." When his father still did not pause his typing, Adrien's calm façade snapped. "Seriously? You can't spare me five minutes?" he accused, his voice on the verge of trembling. What he needed wasn't going to be found here, but there was no one else to ask…

"Fine. What is it?" Gabriel looked up expectantly.

Why did his father have to be such an… an… asshole? This was stupid, he should never have come. But he was here and… and he shouldn't have to ask Nathalie. Gabriel was his father and they should be able to talk about her.

"Today is Mom's birthday."

Adrien winced when Gabriel's expression turned to ice. "I am well aware of that; yet you interrupted my work with redundant information…" he paused, something dark and painful flashing in his eyes, before he closed them and began rubbing the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I do not have time for this-"

It was there, Adrien had seen the telltale emotions his father was so good at hiding and his relentless determination kicked in, not giving Gabriel a chance to retreat. "We never talk about her. You act like she never existed and you want me to do the same but I can't," he admitted, allowing the hurt and sadness that always accompanied thoughts of his mother to fill the emptiness between them. But of all the emotions evoked by his mother's memory, one always prevailed over all the rest. "I'm afraid I'm going to forget her one day," he whispered, "Even now, I can barely remember the sound of her voice."

Sighing, Gabriel dropped his hand to glare at his son with eyes as hard as stone. "Are you done with the theatrics?"

A slap to the face would have stung less and Adrien stiffened; the tears he'd managed to keep at bay all through school finally winning out and wetting his lashes, but he refused to let them fall. He would never give his father the satisfaction. Instead he embraced his anger, allowing it to give him the reckless courage he needed to be cruel in return.

"No, I'm not done, not even close." Folding his arms across his broad chest, Adrien used his latest growth spurt to his advantage, towering over his father as he sneered, "I used to think you loved Mom but now I wonder if you even remember you had a wife. Or did you forget her as easily as you forget about me? Because let's face it, most days you don't act like you even have a son!"

"Enough!" Gabriel snarled, his command echoing through the large space as he lurching to his feet to stand eye to eye with Adrien, "Everything I do is for you. Anything you want I give you. In the future this empire I have built will belong to you. Do not say that I forget my obligations to you; not when I have given you every advantage possible to lead a life worthy of the Agreste name. I will even excuse your disrespectful behavior because you are upset, but you are warned. Never raise your voice to me again."

Of course his father would only understand the pragmatic approach to parenting. But there was so much more to being a father than just providing the best money could buy. Why couldn't Gabriel see that?

It galled Adrien to back down but he hadn't come here to start a fight. The last thing he wanted was to push his father even further away. "Just tell me something about her, please?" he entreated, his shoulders lumping as the fight left him just as quickly as it came.

"Célia loved carnations." Adrien's heart squeezed as he grasped that tidbit of information but before he could ask more Gabriel shook his head and he returned to his seat. "Your mother's absence is... unfortunate." Gabriel's frown deepened. "However, I fail to see the benefits of dwelling on the past and I refuse to entertain such notions. Your time is better spent engaging in pursuits that are productive. I will not repeat myself."

Honestly, Adrien hadn't expected his father to give an inch, not really, so he shouldn't feel let down. But he did; especially when Gabriel's attention returned back to his computer, his concern already shifting away from his son and back to the work he deemed a higher priority.

Adrien swallowed hard, his disappointment weighing heavily on his barely maintained composure. "So that's it? That's all you can say?"

Gabriel's lips pursed in annoyance. "Adrien, you are far too much like your mother. You are dismissed."

* * *

Friday night patrols were Ladybug's chance to enjoy the perks that came with being a superhero.

It was well after midnight as she bounded across moon-kissed rooftops; the cool night air a luxuriant caress against her adrenaline flushed skin as the sounds of the city continued to play a comforting a melody in the background. Paris was its most beautiful when bathed in moonlight with the brilliance of the Eiffel Tower radiating its golden glow. She soaked it all in, reveling in the freedom that made it all worth it. Fighting akumas and keeping civilians safe was a small price to pay in order to the view world around her from a heroine's perspective.

All too soon her patrol ended at the Notre-Dame Cathedral and Ladybug claimed her favorite thinking spot right in between her stone companions Bastian and Xavier- she'd named the gargoyles much to Chat's amusement- and pulled out her compact to check off the last section of her route. On her map of the city a green paw print popped up over the Eiffel Tower, blinking cheerily and alerting that her partner was suited up and on the prowl. She double checked but there was no message from Chat Noir alerting her to an akuma. Relaxing back against the cold stone she watched the flashing green icon as she nibbled her lip. Chat was stationary which meant he was more than likely at his thinking spot, the very top landing of the tower curled up in the scaffolding nook third beam from the left.

It was a beautiful night and a damn shame not to share it with someone. Before she could change her mind she tapped out a quick message.

 _Mind if I drop in?_

It was a short eternity before her compact beeped with a reply.

 _I warn you, I'm not going to be pleasant company tonight, my Lady_

Well that sounded rather ominous coming from her usually light-hearted partner. Dare she intrude upon his quiet time? Chat didn't tell her not to come and if she didn't at least check on him then she would spend the rest of the night worrying. Mind made up, she tapped out another message.

 _On my way_

It was a short distance to the tower and with a few well-aimed swings of her yo-yo, Ladybug reached the top landing with a grin… that dropped the moment her gaze fell on the black ball curled up with his chin resting on his knees as his glowing eyes glared sullenly at the twinkling lights of the city below.

Fuck. It was one of _those_ nights.

It was rare to see Chat Noir without his trademark grin and even rarer still to see him so completely despondent and in the two years they'd been partners she'd only seen him this way once before. That was a night she didn't care to recall because she still bore the emotional scars that miraculous cure couldn't heal. Chat had blamed himself for her injuries, even after they'd vanished without a trace, even after she had reassured him there was nothing he could have done. He hadn't been himself for days after that fight.

She dreaded to know what had him in this particular mood tonight.

Not one to delay the inevitable, when wearing the spots at least, Ladybug curled up next to her partner offering him a measure comfort with her slight from leaning into his larger one. "What's bothering you, Chaton?" she asked softly.

It took Chat so long to answer she almost feared he wouldn't, but when he did there was no mistaking the jaded quality of his words. "Do you ever wonder why we bother?"

That was an open ended question if there ever was one. "Okay, I'm not following…"

"Saving Paris and all that," he made an encompassing motion with his hand. "Why do we bother? People suffer loss and disappointment and heartbreak all the time. We can't fix the root of their problems. And we have no idea how to get to Hawkmoth. So we just go around in circles not making any headway. In the end, what's the point?"

An uncomfortable feeling settled in pit of her stomach and Ladybug sat up straight, turning so that she could face Chat and give him her undivided attention. She wasn't sure where his doubt was stemming from but she was sure as hell going to nip it in the bud before any purple butterflies came fluttering around. "You're scaring me, Chat. This isn't like you."

"Just answer the question."

"Because if we don't then who will?" she reasoned passionately, "It's our responsibility now. You made that commitment when you put on your miraculous. People need heroes."

"That's just it though. I'm not a hero." There was conviction in his statement that matched the hopelessness in his gaze as it finally slanted her way and seeing the raw pain he tried so desperately to hide put on display… It made her chest ache.

"I think the Chat Noir fan club would say differently," she teased, trying to lighten his spirits but when he looked away, his jaw clenching, she realized her mistake.

"Chat Noir is just a sidekick that tells lame jokes and gets in the way more often than not. Ladybug is the real hero. You have the power to make everything right again. The only ability I have is to destroy everything I touch. That's not heroic; it's just a massive fuck up waiting to happen."

"Well I disagree and I could argue with you by pointing out every single time using Cataclysm got us out of a sticky situation; but something tells me your alter ego isn't really what's bugging you."

Ladybug knew she was right when Chat untucked his lanky limbs and turned to face her, mirroring her position and scooting closer until their knees bumped. He took hold of her hands, clutching them even as his eyes remained downcast. She waited, knowing he would talk when he was ready.

"You ever get tired of wearing masks?"

She frowned. "They protect our identities-"

"Not just our literal masks," Chat corrected with a shake of his head, "I mean in our civilian lives too. Every day we interact with people and most of the time it's all a big lie, right? We're not ourselves; we don't say what we really mean or do the things we truly want to do. We suffocate ourselves by always trying to be something we're not just to make other people happy..." he paused and despite the downward tilt of his head she watched his mouth twist in a sardonic grin, "Or maybe that's just me."

"Wow," she blinked, "that's pretty deep." Suddenly his words clicked in a bad way and her eyes narrowed in fearful anger. "Please tell me you're not thinking about doing something stupid?"

"What?" Chat's head snapped up, tilted slightly in confusion. Then he caught her meaning and his eyes flew wide, his face paling behind his ebony mask. "No, of course not. I would never do that," he promised, giving her hands a squeeze. "Although dealing with my dad is enough to make anyone want to kill themselves. Go figure."

Chat's quip said something about him that Ladybug had never contemplated before, that his home life was anything but happy. She didn't like the inflection of his humor and she couldn't shake the feeling that he'd teetered on that edge, maybe not tonight but at some point. He couldn't keep this bottled in, it wasn't healthy. "Talk to me," she insisted.

The derisive smirk returned. "We're still wearing masks, LB."

"So?" she challenged, "You're my partner and I'm worried about you. I want to be there for you and that doesn't change, in the mask or out of it."

There were many secrets between them, maybe more than necessary, but that was the honest truth.

"Fair enough," Chat amended. "My dad is an ass hat. He's the only parent I have left and yet the only parenting skill he has is finding new ways to push me away..." he shrugged a shoulder as if to say it wasn't important, but Ladybug knew that meant it hurt the most. "Today is my mom's birthday, she's gone now but my Dad wouldn't even talk about her."

"Chat, that's awful." And it was. He didn't deserve to feel lonely and insignificant. He was far too good of a person to endure those kinds of tribulations.

"No the messed up thing about all of this is that I try so damn hard to be the perfect son but he holds it against me that I'm just like my mom. I follow every rule, meet every demand and what do I get? The cold shoulder and something expensive to keep me entertained so my father doesn't have to look at me. Things were better when my Mom was here and I miss her so much." He freed one hand to scrub the back of it across his eyes.

She didn't think, she reacted.

Leaning up on her knees, Ladybug pulled Chat into her arms, hugging him tightly; partly because he needed the affection and partly so he wouldn't see the tears that had filled her eyes. Chat needed to know that he was loved, that someone gave a damn about what happened to him and that no matter what he wasn't alone. She hated that she never realized he felt that way; even if he made a point to hide it from her, she was still angry with herself because she was his partner therefore she should have known he was hurting.

"Sorry to unload on you like that," he whispered into her shoulder.

She ignored his apology, hugging him tighter. "Will you tell me about your Mom?"

Reluctantly Chat pulled away and Ladybug released her hold as he flashed her a rueful grimace. "Another time, okay. I've had enough of trying not to cry for today."

She nodded. "When you want to talk I'm here."

"Me too." He laughed awkwardly, "I mean, you know, if you ever need a friend."

"You sure? Because my problems are petty compared to what you're dealing with."

Chat managed to muster up a bit of his usual swagger as he grasped her hand and brought it his lips, but his smile wobbled at the edges. "I'd be honored to return the favor, my Lady."

Ladybug almost grinned but the shadows were still dancing in his eyes and they only amplified the vulnerable slump of his posture and the wrongness of it all urged her to bridge the gaps that remained between them. He had let her in and she wanted to share part of herself with him in return.

"Alright, I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone..." She took a deep breath. "I didn't want to be Ladybug." She winced. "I even tried to give away my miraculous."

"What?"

At Chat's startled yelp, she hastened to explain, "I was scared. I'd always thought I was a pretty responsible person but when my kwami explained exactly what was expected of us… I panicked. I didn't think I could do it. I was terrified I'd mess it up. And the first time I did. By not finding the akuma and purifying it I felt like I really dropped the ball and let everyone down. My best friend loves superheroes and she's one of those people that have a heart of gold. I thought she'd make a much better Ladybug."

"So what changed your mind?" he asked thoughtfully.

"You."

"Me?"

She laced her fingers with his, drawing courage from his shy smile.

"You had run into the fray, reckless as always, and you were waiting on me to show up. I couldn't leave you hanging and then… then I realized that I was chosen for this and it must have been for a reason. I needed to be your partner and it was up to us to protect the innocent. And I may not have asked for the responsibility, or even wanted it, but it was mine now and in that moment I decided to be the best hero I could be and that also meant being what you needed in a partner so that nothing could ever stop us."

If felt good to finally admit that out loud. She wasn't proud of her original reaction but Tikki had never held it against her and now her Chaton knew the truth as well.

"You're amazing, Bugaboo." Chat Noir was looking at her like she was his hero.

Her cheeks flushed, embarrassment warring with pleasure as she confessed, "But that's just it, I'm not amazing or special. I'm not nearly as confident as you think I am. Sometimes I get so scared I can't think straight. The only thing that keeps me from turning into a clumsy, bumbling mess is knowing that I would let everyone down if I failed. Especially you," before he could voice his objection, she soldiered on, "There has to be a certain amount of luck that comes with this suit because when I'm not Ladybug I'm klutzy and spastic. I'm not remarkable or noteworthy. I'm just an average nobody."

"Why don't you let me see the real you so I can prove you wrong," he implored, the challenge hanging in the air as he silently dared her to be brave.

But Ladybug wasn't fearless. "Chat, I can't."

"Can't or won't? You trust me with your life every time we take on an akuma but you don't trust me with knowing your name or seeing your face." He wilted; the hope that had bloomed in his expression bleeding away is if it had never been. "I'm asking you- fuck, I'm begging you… Please let me see the real you."

Logic dictated it wasn't a good idea, that knowing each other's identities could compromise the safety of everyone they knew. But if she were being honest, just being partners was a risk. If Chat's life was on the line and the only thing that would save him would be to hand over her miraculous… well, there wasn't a choice. She'd expose everything to keep him safe and she knew without a doubt he would do the same.

Maybe…

No, there was no half-assing this. There wouldn't be a better time to take that last step. And if she denied him now the rejection might destroy the bond they had built; or worse, she could lose him to the depths of his own despair. She wasn't willing to chance either possibility.

Determined, Ladybug braced herself, her insides jittering nervously as she prepared to rip down the barrier that separated an idolized hero from the imperfect girl that existed within. "Spots off," she said with a cringe and quickly averted her gaze as pink light ran up her body in a blinding rush.

Chat gasped and her body tensed with building anxiety, her breath catching as she waited for some kind of reaction…

"Princess?" The dazed utterance was a million emotions all rolled into one; longing, disbelief, excitement, regret… and so many more that Marinette couldn't wind any tighter without shattering into a million matching pieces. But finally after a long, agonizing moment of weighty silence, Chat chuckled and the warm sound floated over her like a gentle caress, soothing the worst of her insecurities as he breathed, "Of course it's you."

"Ok, I can't tell if you're disappointed or not?" she asked cautiously, still looking down over the city.

"Never." There was definitely a smile in his voice.

Peeking over at Chat, Marinette's blush deepened at the toothy grin her partner was sporting. Narrowing her eyes, she huffed, "Your turn."

To his credit, Chat didn't hesitate. "Plagg, claws in."

Green light engulfed the boy before her and Marinette's heart skipped a beat at the all too familiar face beneath the black and green mask. Then her brain caught up with the reality of exactly to whom that particularly pretty face belonged and promptly tried to shut down. Emitting a choked squeal, Marinette's shoulders hitched up to her ears, elbows drawing in close to her chest as her hands balled up into fists, her breath coming in little shallow bursts as she was unable to do anything more communicative than stare…

Yep. She was totally freaking out.

A look of fearful concern filled Adrien's expression he leaned closer and grasped her shoulders firmly. "Marinette, you need to breathe."

Breathing? Yes. Breathing was good. Oh goodness, he was touching her…

"A-A-Adrien?" she stammered, blinking rapidly and blushing as the warmth of his hands seeped through her thin shirt.

Misinterpreting her reaction, Adrien's snatched his hands back, completely stricken. "Don't look at me like that, Marinette. Please don't…"

The sudden loss of his touch jolted her brain back into action "L-like what?"

"Like you can't stand to be near me," he replied, his composure teetering and once more on the verge of crumbling.

In the span of a single broken heartbeat her paradigms shifted and suddenly he wasn't picture perfect Adrien Agreste or vivaciously flirty Chat Noir; he was just an overwhelmed and isolated young man struggling to deal with issues she couldn't truly comprehend and falling apart in the process. The giddy, love-struck panic that turned her into a bumbling mess around Adrien peaked sharply like a cresting wave and then dissipated leaving a shattered sense of calm in its wake.

"Come here," Marinette urged soothingly, tugging Adrien into her arms and tucking his head just under her chin, holding him the same way her mother would when comforting her when she was little. She squeezed him just a bit tighter as she wondered if Adrien could remember the last time he was given a hug.

Against her, Adrien trembled. "Are you okay with this? You're always so uncomfortable around me… I've tried to figure out what I'm doing wrong but-"

"Shhh," she cooed, running her fingers through his incredibly soft hair, "I told you I was an awkward mess out of the suit. Don't mind me ok, you're amazing just as you are." Above Adrien's shoulder her spotted kwami winked at her, grinning cheekily and Marinette's face flushed, a touch of nervousness fluttering like butterflies in her stomach. Pouting at the god-like creature, Marinette sighed, "I suppose I should introduce you, Adrien this is Tikki." She felt Adrien smile against the cotton of her shirt as he lifted a hand to wave but otherwise didn't move from the protective solace she offered.

"Hello Adrien!" Tikki chirped with her usual infectious exuberance, "It's so exciting to finally meet you. Marinette has told me so much about you."

"Has she now?" That was definitely Chat Noir's response, right down to the suggestive purr.

Nope. She was not touching that can of worms, not even with Chat's ten foot pole- Woah, that was not right…

Aaaand awkward Marinette was back. "Uh yeah… heh so... Um, where's your kwami?"

"Plagg!"

A black blob floated up lazily from the inside of Adrien's blazer, holding a large wedge of cheese between his tiny paws. The kwami's electric green eyes narrowed, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi Adrien's girlfriend. Long time no se, Tikki." Adrien groaned, and the kwami blinked innocently, "What? I'm hungry. I'll be nicer to your _girlfriend_ when I'm done with my cheese."

Muttering something about cheese and rectal orifices, Adrien sat up, repositioning to lean back against metal beam behind him. Blushing, he ducked his head apologetically. "I'm sorry, he's..." a mischievous grin tilted his lips up to one side, "he's im-pawsible."

Marinette giggled, less from Adrien's terrible pun and more from the accumulation of emotional overload that needed an outlet; but then Adrien was chuckling too and the tension seeming to drain from them both as they gave into their laughter. The entire situation was absurd, humorously so, and yet now that everything was out in the open, it was almost more baffling that they hadn't figured it out sooner. Honestly, they should have known from the beginning.

Marinette knew Adrien was thinking along those very same lines. It was the same way Ladybug knew Chat Noir's next move in the heat of battle. They were two halves of a larger whole, two separate pieces that fit together to make a complete picture, kind of like a puzzle.

Adrien entwined is fingers with hers in an unspoked plea. _Are we cool?_

Scooting in, Marinette nestled her temple against the curve of his shoulder, their joined hands resting in her lap. _Of course._

There was no sense of time after that. At some point Adrien's arm went around her shoulder and she ended up curled against his chest. She toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck, smirking when he shivered, entranced by the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against her ear. They remained in their own little bubble, high above the world they knew, content in the moment.

"Thank you for being here." His words were so soft she almost didn't hear them.

Her response was firm, leaving no room for doubt. "I always will be. I Promise."

* * *

A.N. – I should be working on the next chapter to "All the Things You Said" but this scene had been popping in my head over and over until I had to get it written. So here is the first one shot in what will be a series entitled "Adulting: Beginner's Luck". This is the prequel to "Adulting", though I'm not sure how many individual stories it's going to be. I'm aiming for them to read like snippets into their lives and each one will be in chronological order.

I'm also planning a miraculous horror story that will hopefully be ready in time for Halloween, a few AU one shots and farytale-ish AU short story with magic and dragons. Now if I could just find the time to write all of this I would be doing great.

Thanks for reading. Love you guys!


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